Can We Rewind This Game?

You know your child has been raised with too much media if he stops right in the middle of doing something and says "mom, we need to pause this game", or my favorite "mom can we rewind and go back and it's my turn again".

It makes me laugh but in thinking about it, it's a pretty good analogy for life. You ever had one of those weeks you wish you could just forget even happened? A week you wish you could pause, or rewind and start all over again. If you haven’t feel very lucky and pray every night that you don’t ever have one, but I highly suspect that most of us get a few of them in our lives. Last week was one of those weeks for the Cranes.

It’s always great to get a little perspective though and remember it’s the moments we want to forget that end up being the most important moments in our lives. It is one thing to say that we believe in the atonement of Jesus Christ, but it’s a whole different ball game to really know what the atonement, and the gift of forgiveness means, that is means that the mistakes you make in fact are forgotten, just like they never happened, and that you can move on with your head held high, knowing that you are loved and forgiven in the eyes of our savior.

We in fact do get to pause, and rewind, and start over again, how cool is that?

It’s one thing to say that we are (to quote one of my favorite Primary songs): “trying to be like Jesus”, and a whole different ball game to learn not only about being forgiven, but learn about forgiving, moving on, and really remembering what is important in the big picture. One thing I’ve found out in life, especially about love, is it doesn’t say much about you when you can love someone when they are doing everything right, and are easy to love, real true love, the kind that last forever is the kind that still lasts when people aren’t easy to love. I think that is the biggest things to learn about love and service, is learning to love and service when you aren’t sure the recipient is the best candidate of love and service, and it goes both ways, learning to accept love and service, when you are no longer sure you deserve it. We know that at some point in our lives we will be on both sides of that coin, loving and serving, and loving and being served, and knowing it’s not easy for either side. That is the essence of what the gospel is about, that we always deserve love, and that not matter what there is a way back.

Again, pause, and rewind.

I also think that marriage is the central relationship of the gospel, because that is where we learn the most about love, service, happiness, sadness, joy, forgiveness, and being forgiven. It’s where you learn that apparently you do in fact chew too loud, and maybe use too much toilet paper, and that it’s not always endearing. It’s where you learn that you can still love someone even when they aren’t easy to love, and that they will still love you when you aren’t easy to love. It’s the relationship that you stay in each day because it is where you choose to love. There is nothing I could do to make my parents not my parents, my siblings not my siblings, or my son not my son, but I choose everyday to love my husband, and it’s that central relationship of choice and free agency that makes it the most important relationship in the gospel.

I didn’t get a chance to post on Father’s Day, and I do want my dear husband to know that I love him, and that he is a wonderful father to our son. I know he walks around everyday battling issues, that most of us can’t even imagine, and have no idea what it is like. They are the kind of issues that other people can’t see, and even when they know about them they don’t quite understand what it means, and how it changes everything you do. People can’t look at you and know how hard you struggle, and how easy it would be to just give up, and I know that almost every day of the year, you do it for us, because you love us, and want what is best for us. One of the most important things I’ve learned about compassion, is that you really can’t know much about someone from the outside looking in, and that everyone has their burdens to carry, and we also can’t judge how good a job someone is doing with those burdens from the outside either. I love you for teaching me about unconditional love, because you have always loved me absolutely unconditionally, and I’m not sure I’ve done such a good job returning that to you.

I know I don’t always understand, nor am I always understanding as a spouse, to what you are going through. I know I often get frustrated, and I don’t want to understand, and I know I’m don’t always say how thankful I am for having you in my life, and for what you have taught me about love, forgiveness, and being forgiven. You are a wonderful dad, and Jake is very lucky to have you in his life, and you have devoted a lot of the most valuable resource we have for our families, our time, to that little boy.

There is a lot to be thankful for my dearest Rob, and we probably need to take that warning that in the months leading up to taking our family to the temple, Satan will stop at nothing to try to make sure that doesn’t happen. It’s a wonderful and scary time, and I have no doubt we will get to where we know we need to be.

I guess in the final analysis, it’s the weeks that you wish hadn’t happened that truly remind you of all the other wonderful weeks that you take for granted. They are also the weeks were you figure out just how lucky and blessed you are, and how you wouldn’t trade your life for anything else in the world. The weeks that remind you that you should pause, and rewind those really great moments, so you can live them again all over.