It's just in your head...

My dear hubby was diagnosed with a rare subcutaneous form of non Hodgkin’s lymphoma about 3 years ago. The cancer started with some small lumps that grow under the skin (thus subcutaneous), and so far he’s done two rounds of radiation treatments to try to cure it. Recently he’s developed another lump and after a few doctor’s appointments they really feel that it shouldn’t wait and he’s scheduled for another surgery on his head (this will surgery #4 in the same area in the last 3 years) on Monday.

There are so many ways that we are blessed, if one has to have cancer, while rare, this is the “good” kind to have, but it’s still cancer; and as much as we both act like “no big deal, we’ll just do radiation again”, it definitely freaks both of us out. Cancer has, and is touching many people in my family right now, my dear cousin died from melanoma almost exactly a year ago, and I still think of him often, My aunt has been battling breast cancer, my dad prostate cancer, and it looks like another aunt may be looking at a battle with ovarian cancer.

It also vividly illustrates one of the major differences in personality that Rob and I have. Rob is a worrier, and obsesses about things, and I’m a procrastinator and avoider. Since we found the lump (I spotted it on his head standing behind him at one of Jake’s soccer games) Rob has spend a lot of time looking at it, and talking about it, and I’ve spent about an equal amount of time trying not to look at it, and not talk about it. Rob will spend (and has spent) weeks working through every possible scenario, all the variations and outcomes. I will spend (and have spent) weeks trying not to think about anything, and I’ll deal with whatever comes when it comes.

It’s one of the great ways that having opposites in a marriage really balances things out. I’m not sure either Rob’s way of handling things or my way is best, they both definitely have pros and cons; and we deftly and sometimes not so deftly work together to pick through all the feelings that we have, and when you boil it down, the biggest one is just fear.

We’re not sure where this path leads, we just have to follow it, and trust that Heavenly Father is leading us the right way

I'm hoping the path this time is that this lump turns out to be nothing, but we will deal with whatever happens...

...I on Monday...