Jake has had a very confusing last couple of weeks, and not nearly as much of mommy's undivided attention as he's used to having, and a lot more mommy holding on to him for dear life and crying on top of his head (which luckily is also not normal). He is though enjoying spending time with his cousins, thanks to Circe, for just making him part of the family he's really needed that right now.
I'm sure many LDS people have heard this Michael McLean song, but it perfectly captures how I felt last night as I carried my sleeping guy to bed after he just passed out on the couch, while I was finalizing a couple things I needed to get done, and truly turned on the T.V. then tuned him out for the evening. I hadn't been to work in a week, and a half, and was only there a half day yesterday. For those "in the know" the meeting with Rob went really well, I felt really good about it, esp. about having the house, and not having to uproot Jake. But emotionally I was definitely not available for Jake last night.
So following my tradition of not posting my own words, but song lyrics, here's today's version:
This hasn't been a day
That I would call my best
I'd give myself a failing grade
If this had been a test
I did not comfort you
When you were all alone
I was too busy crying
Through some problems of my own
Today I have not been the mom you needed me to be
And tonight I wish that you could sing
A lullaby for me
I'm so glad that you can sleep,
I wish that I could too
I'm sorry that today I wasn't really here for you
I must of slipped away, to some far-distant land
Where I'm the child who cried and then her mother takes
her hand
Today I have not been the mom you needed me to be
And tonight I wish that you could sing a lullaby for me
Tomorrow I'll reclaim my proper place
I'll tuck you in, and gently kiss your face
I'll do the things a mom's suppose to do
And I'll know what those things should be
'Cause now I need them too.
This hasn't been a day that I want to repeat
I'm sorry I could only say I'm sorry while you sleep
Today I have not been the mom you needed me to be
And tonight I wish that you could sing a lullaby for me.
Tonight I need someone to sing
A lullaby for me.
Jake asked last night if 2 people can be a real family, I told him that 2 people can be a family, but we are lucky as we have lots of family, so we don't have to worry about that.
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...or eating green jello
I have no idea, I'm just figuring it all out.
Favorite Quotes
I would be the most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough book shelves.
Anna Quindlen
Anna Quindlen
Sucking Out Life's Marrow
...or eating green jello
Current Favorite Books
- Drood- Fiction about the last years of Charles Dickens life, told from the POV of author Wilkie Collins. I have no idea how much is based on fact, but fasinating look at the late Victorian period.
- Game of Thrones- So I'm late to this one, I'm not generally a fanstasy fan but this is so well written, and like reading the best historical fiction, with a bit of magic thrown in to make it interesting. Great read, hopefully the rest of the series is as good.
- Escape, The Lost Boy, Loss of Innocence- All books on the FLDS under Warren Jeffs, heartbreaking and scary, with a lot of layers to think about, from the importance of women's rights, how people fight for power, the dangers of giving one person too much power, parenting, etc. My favorite was "Loss of Innocence" but all were interesting, and it's definitey stimulated a lot of thought.
3 comments:
2 can be a family for sure! And plus, in this Dopp Clan... a bigger family gathering is never too far away. We are looking forward to kidnapping Jake for many father and son outings in the future. He is part of our clan and that is a hard thing to shake.... even if you want to! Love you!
Michelle, I wish there was something I could say to make everything better. I can't know how you feel but I can tell you that time really does heal wounds. Just take it one day, or even one moment at a time. Brighter days really are ahead!
We love you!
How do you always find the perfect lyrics? Jake knows you're there for him, even when you feel like you're not. You are. You're one of the best moms anywhere.
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