Things I'm Learning Raising a Son

Boys are quite a bit different than girls, I've always known this, I have 4 brothers, so I've seen most of the differences first hand.

For example, when they are 3 or 4 both boys and girls think burps, and "stinkies" are funny. At some point most girls grow out of this, most boys don't, the will generally think this is funny until they are 80 years old. Most girls don't really think things blowing up are entertaining, we know that Jack Bauer is probably going to be involved in things blowing up, but the actual blowing up, is not real part of the reason we watch the film. Most girls also find car chases boring, at least in my experience. Most girls don't get the draw of Johnny Knoxville, Bam, or Steve-O (and yes I had to look them up).

Boys are also much more interested in certain parts of their body than girls tend to be, maybe because theirs is really easy to see, and really handy.

These are things I already knew, but I learned a new thing about boys yesterday.

Do NOT serve a group of 5-9 year old boys "weanies in a blanket" for breakfast. they will find eating weanies endless hilarious, and they will find a way to expand the theme into, well into something that mom won't find hilarious. If you do serve weanies in a blanket, or weanies in general, it's probably not a good idea to give the same group of boys notebooks and pens, and then tell them they have to sit down together and quietly draw for 2 hours. I definitely think having all the kids, even the young ones sitting down and listening through conference is a good idea. There is though a reason that in actual church, we don't let the kids sit in a pew by themselves, that we are close enough to give them the "mom eye" every few minutes and not just when they sneak out to go jump on the trampoline.

So when Jake came upstairs from conference to be released outside, and told me he and his cousins had started to "write a funny story" and yet he didn't really want to show it to me, I knew something was a foot. I know Jake, if he wrote a funny story, not only would he want me to see it, but he would want to read it outloud to me, show me all the illustrations, and make sure he has my undivide attention, he would be fine if I didn't tell him he was a buding Shakespeare, but he would sure be happy if I did (and then run around the house yellin "Oh Romeo, Romeo, I love you Romeo", at the top of his lungs, which he did from the time we got in the parking lot at Lagoon Friday until the time we got home).

So after giving it a few minutes thought, and noticing that even though they were outside, all the boys were still gathered around Jake and his notebook, I figured I may need to check out what was going on. What was going on we will call "a theme on eating weanies" (not to be confused with "A Theme on Paganini"). Apparently from an innocent breakfast item you can end up with, well things you probably don't want to eat, because you know "gross" is funny to boys (see Johnny Knoxville).

This is one of those awesome parenting moments, you are try not to freak out that your sweet little 7 year old is capable of being quite THAT gross. You are having visions of his future career (see Steve-O). You are thinking that maybe pictures of "Butthead Man" aren't appropriate conference activites. So you tell your son that maybe we should go spend the rest of the day at home, discussing what is funny and what isn't funny (and hope it sticks). He tell you that he thinks this may be bit harsh, you tell him that maybe he can go read his story to Grandma, and find out how funny she thinks it is. He agrees that maybe being grounded and leaving early is the best course of action. You give him the "if you can't read it to grandma and grandpa, it's probably best not to write it speech on the way home".

You add a quick helping of "thank you for being honest, and not trying to hide what we were doing from me that was a good choice, even if the rest of it wasn't so good".

Then when he tries to tell you "everyone was doing it" you put the nail on that one, and you tell him about leadership, and that if people are following what you are doing, then it is your job as a leader to lead them to make good choices not bad choices. Since we were already writing, we decided to write down 5 things that make a good leader (say please, be a good example, make good choices, be kind, and leave if you can't convince others to make good choices with you). A quick signature saying your budding Bam agrees to these principles, and it's hanging on the refrigerator. Then you fill the rest of the afternoon making a new "story" that is funny, it's called "Diary of a Nerdy Kid" (not original but funny), and illustrate a page that says "my best pal is my homework".

He may not learn the lesson that "potty jokes really aren't that funny", a lot of sons don't, but hopefully he learns the lesson, that if you are going to be a leader, "you need to take that seriously". At least hopefully it's a good start.