Am I Speaking in Tongues?

I have to admit that there have been some strange communication issues in our house the last few weeks. It appears that my 8 year old has the opposite of the gift of tongues, instead of understanding languages that might not even exist, he doesn't understand a lot of what he use to in his own language. It's like he's been in his own personal Tower of Babel.

Here is the first conversation when things got weird:

Jake: Can I go play with James
Me: Have you finished your homework?
Jake: No, I'll do it later.
Me: No you won't the rule is you do all your homework execpt your reading before you do anything else after school.
Jake: Since when was that a rule.
Me: What do you mean that has been the rule since you had homework in 1st grade, and this year when I was at work the rule was come home, lock the door, never answer the door, don't answer the phone unless it's me or grandma, and get all your homework done. We talked about this, we wrote it down.
Jake: Well yeah, but that doesn't make it a rule, you just made up that it's a rule today, and now you are making me do some new rule.
Me: HOw is this new, if you've done it pretty much everyday since school started how is it a new thing that is freaking you out and making you upset. You don't have to cll it rule but it's not an option that you just did for fun everyday until today. Why are we even having this conversation, if it's not a "rule" then you don't have to do your homework.
Jake: No I know I have to do my homework no matter what, but you just made up that is it's a rule to do if before I play, I can decide to do it after.
Me: I have no earthly idea what we are talking about, I have never once said do your homework after school or after to play whatever you want to do. Just when you have scout after school, I let you do it after that becauase you don't have time. You have never said one thing about this, you come in the house sit at the table do your homework and then turn on your show or go play, what happened today to make this a big deal.
Jake: You are being rude to me now, I did not know I had to do homework right after school, I'm just saying that you never told me that before today, and you are just saying stuff to make me feel bad.
Me: This is stupid, I'm going in the other room, just do your homework already.
Jake crying hysterically: You just called me stupid, and you are the one that says stupid is a bad word. That was never, ever ever a rule.
Me: I'm sorry I said stupid, that wasn't very nice, you are not stupid, you are though a dork, so do your homework.

He was seriously really upset at this, like I had just done something to him he couldn't understand or was playing a really mean prank on him.

He has spent the last few days saying "I'm not stupid but I'm a dork" and laughing like it's the funniest thing ever, he also still insists that doing homework after school was a rule I made up this week to annoy him, and thst I was just being rude. Frankly I'm still baffled.

Also suddenly he doesn't seem to understand what bath or shower mean, he's been having a bath all his life, a daily in the summer and I let him do every other day in the winter when he isn't all sweaty. Now though when I say "you need to go jump in the tub or do you want to shower" he looks at me like this doesn't compute, or is the strangest idea that no one but me would think of sitting in water with soap. Apparently this bath/shower idea is so absurb is doesn't even deserve a reply. Then I get a tentative "why would I need a bath" like he's being careful taling to a crazy person, and has never heard of dirt before, let alone the removal of it, but it sounds kind of horrifying, so maybe he can talk me down. First he goes with "it's o.k. I wasn't going to suck my thumb anyway", then he tried "how about I don't have a bath but just don't sit on the furniture", then he started offering various body parts he might be willing to get wet if I gave up this getting in water and washing idea, and finally he is so confused he blunders with "what if I put my face and hed in" at which point he knows it's over before I say "um yeah I think it is easier to just sit yourself in the water than try to stand on your head in there. He then assures me that he will be in and out of this horrifying bath thing in less time than I can say "you aren't stupid, you are a dork" at which point I say just wash and get out if you want. And then the next thing I know an hour has passed and he now no longer understands what "get out of the bath" means, and has decided to move in, he also seems to struggle lately with towel, you need to put on clothes, and why ae you still sitting there naked.

In the past two weeks he's insisted that he's never had to clean the living room (which he has had to do pretty much everyday for 6 months), doesn't really know where I'm getting this chore concept from, has never in his life had a bedtime of 9:00 he goes to bed at ten or eleven since the moment of his birth, has always left his beyblades in a line on the carpet and that is where they go, has never heard the word conjunction even though he's been doing them all year so he will just not do that part of his homework, doesn't like doing anything with his family so he can't answer that question, never said he was actually going to read Harry Potter he just likes having it by the bed, no one ever told him he was suppose to read 20 minutes a day and he definitely never heard that at any school he's attended or at any SEP conference, was never told to be home before dark, that it has always been o.k. for him to just leave and not tell me where he's going. It's like the meaning of everything in his life has evaporated, leaving him clueless and wandering about getting in trouble for nothing at all.

I feel like I'm flunking some really important communication test, and the next thing I know I'm going to hear, "you need to start over again, nothing you have told this child in 8 years has stuck". Frankly as a kid I never thought to try the "I have never been aware of anything at all esp. anything you are talking about" route, but I guess he has to be more clever he has no siblings to blame, and going with "I don't understand what you speak here" seemed worth a try.

Luckily I'm a quick study, and this week I'm pretty sure I remember "spring break" means "stand by your mom and obey her every command for 5 days, esp the part about the hourly foot rub, I've never heard of children being allowed money so I'm going to need that back from the garage sale, there is no such thing as a Happy Meal, just a sad meal which is sardines on a bun, I have no idea where he would have gotten the idea that I should be providing him food anyway, there has never been such a thing as kid's channels on T.V., and that I'm pretty sure he just made up that he lives here because I don't remember seeing him before. In fact I've never heard of this mom person before either, so I'm not sure what her possible function could be, so I hope everything works out for you and you find this mom thing someone that takes care of littlel frustrating people and also loves them even when they are dorks sounds like a pretty good fantasy, got to give a kid credit there, even if he is a dork.

There is no way a sane person would voluntarily enslave themselves for 18 year to someone that thinks sticking their head and face in a tub of water is a good idea, I have no idea what tongue this "mom" things started in but I'm pretty sure I would have never agreed to live with someone this frustrating, let alone hang out with him for a week with NO spring break plans, ababoal og eog aso to tod eos t[oe so thos